I May Destroy You

Arabella is stalking the scene of the crime, which is ironically and symbolically a bar called ‘Ego Death’. She cannot go in. She makes it sort of a routine, as she ropes her friends into the outing they don’t understand but fully support. It’s been a long journey to this get to this point and I wonder if she will ever go back inside or even if she knows what she what she is looking for. The bar in question is where she was assaulted and in a sense broken. The person that staggered out of Ego Death that night was not the person who was brought in.

The latest project and brainchild to emerge from the heart of Michaela Coel is a drama that stuns from pilot to finale. Along the way we dive into main character Arabella’s life along with that of her two best friend’s and other acquaintances. The exploration of sexual violation in a variety of ways is the core of this story. Sexual violence does not have a mold. It does not fit in a box and its effects certainly do not exist in a vacuum. For the past couple of months this journey Michaela has sent us on has really been informative and empowering.

Arabella (Michaela Coel) attends a support meeting with other survivors of sexual assault on HBO’s I May Destroy You. Coel, the show’s creator, writer, director and star, based the series on something that happened to her.

The intention in every flashback, every interaction that seemed to not fit with the story at hand, every outfit, wig, and change of scenery did not go unnoticed. She uses rational means to explore a vary irrational crime. And it is also evident that it was important to capture the journey of the survivor, well…surviving. Instead of Arabella being so consumed with solving her own crime, I appreciated that Michaela involved the view of the authorities to explore how they handle victims of sex crimes, while the show allowed Arabella to flesh out the reality of a survivor whose focus is to pick up the pieces. A survivor that has to continue to move forward and meet deadlines, even when something happens to them that could be crippling and debilitating. Keeping the lens on this lane emphasizes the importance of community and show how healing is not lateral. Healing is ugly, it is uncomfortable, it can drag out memories we’ve kept buried inside, and make us reflect on past actions. Healing can also allow other things and people to expose themselves for better or for worse. Monsters do not just exist under our beds.

In the end, there is no need to feel sorry for Arabella. She owns her new journey and creates something beautiful from something too painful to imagine. She dances, she paints, she goes to the gym, and has career setbacks, but she lives to fight another day. Her crime goes unsolved but she finds the courage to release her literal baggage. As each episode carries on, so does she. She continues to move forward toward her own light.

Programme Name: I May Destroy You РTX: 07/07/2020 РEpisode: n/a (No. 10) РPicture Shows: Arabella (MICHAELA COEL) Р(C) © Various Artists Ltd and FALKNA РPhotographer: Natalie Seer

I found myself satisfied with the events of the finale. A glimpse inside Arabella’s mind allowed her to take back her narrative and different ways she could exert revenge and compassion as a means to retrieve the power that I don’t think she knew she still possessed. Her attacker never stopped her. She has her voice. That voice is is relevant, it is important, and it is needed.

Sexual crimes are violent, but not always apparent. The realization of being a victim may not happen until well after the fact. And it is okay to not be okay. I believe Michaela allowing us to see every win and loss Arabella suffers after that night lets us know that trauma does not only exist in a story line or a thirty-minute episode as it never goes away. One traumatic event can sometimes bind to other trauma and cling heavily to the backs of survivors. True strength is knowing that survivors are forced to find ways to allow themselves to keep going.

One can dream, one can imagine a different outcome, one can push it to the back of their minds, but it is there, and how one copes, how one deals and how one continues to live determines whether they let it destroy them or realize it is a living breathing thing, and beat it to literal death.

Thank you, Michaela.

All photos via HBO

#writing #art #blackgirlmagic #hbo #michealacoel #blogging #blackwomenwrite #friendship #drama #survivor #imaydestroyyou #peace #love #sayhername #blacklivesmatter